The Streaker of the House

With my new hours as CQ I had so much more free time that I decided to get a civilian job and make some extra money. The Army pay for a Spec 4 wasn’t gonna cut it.  Jobs were advertised in the classifieds of the newspaper back in the day and I found one in a restaurant.  I applied and was hired as a Busboy on the spot.  It was a high volume coffee shop that featured fresh baked pies adjacent to a shopping mall.  With my cooking experience I thought for sure I’d be a cook in no time but it was not to be.  They needed full time cooks and I had to have a special schedule, and they didn’t serve much steak so there wasn’t a demand for a broiler cook.  

After about a month I went back to the classifieds and applied for a job at a Liberty House Department Store in the mall as an Assistant Display Artist.  I was always good at art and drawing in school and convinced them that I could learn on the job and again, they hired me on the spot.  Interestingly that display experience came in handy years later when I got into hotel catering, decorating events.

With my new civilian job I began to meet some local folks. The “boys” at Liberty House were all gay window dressers.  I was enjoying the association but was cautious because I had had previous encounters with gays that were not at all pleasant.  My boss was a guy named Chuck who came from a very wealthy family from the New England area.  He was a flaming homosexual but knew that I was not and we got along great.  He introduced me around the other stores as his new assistant but made it a point to say how “straight” I was and told them all to leave me alone.

All of a sudden I began to see Hawaii in a different light. My Army buddies, some new-found local friends and I went to lots of places we had never been before. We spent a lot of time at The Sand Castle Lounge, a little hole in the wall on the beach side of a small hotel in Waikiki.  It was right next to Fort Derussy, a small Army base so we could park there for free.  The big draw was pitchers of Primo Hawaiian beer for $6.00 each and lots of Canadian tourist chicks.  And if you had the inclination to get stoned you could walk out the back door to the beach, scale the rock jetty and find a good spot with the waves rolling in.

The biggest rage in America around this time was streaking.  That’s when people, mostly men, but women did it too, took off all of their clothes and ran around trying to get attention.  Many times they got their picture in the paper and many times they got arrested.  In Hawaii there was a guy who streaked the State House of Representatives and got his picture on the front page of the newspaper with the headline “STREAKER OF THE HOUSE”.  Funny Stuff!

After a long night drinking at the Sand Castle I decided it was my turn as we walked toward Fort Derussy going back to our car.  I ripped off my clothes and threw them at my buddies who were a little shocked but were not going to play the game.  Then I ran down the street, arms flailing, avoiding the few military guys on the sidewalk.  Well my timing was as flawed as the original idea to streak because I didn’t get more than 200 feet before a Military Police car was right on my ass.  Well at least these guys had a sense of humor, especially when they found out I was an MP from Schofield.  I got my clothes back on and they took me to the station for a chat with the Desk Sergeant.  My buddies followed and soon thereafter I was released with a stern warning to stay clothed in the future while on the base.

I didn’t always learn from my mistakes and a few weeks later a similar incident occurred with a similar result.  I should have taken their warnings to heart, however not long afterward it happened a third time.  I was worried this time and when approached instead of taking my medicine I ran and the two MP’s chased me.

There were 2 guys stationed there who I knew lived in a barracks that about a block away so I ran toward that building.  The cops were older guys and not in very good shape.  Without my clothes I had no wind resistance and was in better shape so I had a slight lead.  As I rounded the building I came upon a 6ft wood fence.  I jumped up to scale it and one of the cops grabbed my left leg.  He held on for a few seconds but I shook him free and jumped over.  I landed flat-footed and continued the sprint.  He couldn’t make it over the fence quickly with all of his gear on.  I rounded the building and looked back to see that I had lost them.

I was planning to go into the building and try to rouse my friends at their room but I wasn’t close to the door so I jumped into the middle of a large bush, hunkered down and controlling my breathing.  I guess I wasn’t that drunk if I could get this far without being apprehended.  Within a few seconds both of the cops appeared and ran right past the bush.  I could hear them saying “where the hell is he?” as they passed.

Once I was in the clear I removed myself from the bush, wiping off debris, and jumped back over the fence which was close to the front door of the building.  I entered the barracks and went straight to the door to their room and knocked.  There was silence.  I knocked again.  Just as the door opened I saw one of the cops enter the hallway on the other end.  My friend let me in and I moved to the far side of the darkened room and sat in a chair.  He went back and laid on the bed.  Then there was knock at the door.  My friend opened the door.  The lights went on and there I was, buck naked and smiling at the cops.  They didn’t think it was funny at all and hauled me out in cuffs.  We went back to where this all started and I retrieved my pants and they helped me put them on.

The Desk Sergeant was the same guy from the two previous encounters.  He was slightly amused but that didn’t save me completely.  He said that they hadn’t filed any reports the first two times but this time they were going to have to notify my Company Commander.  They let me sober up a little and then released me.  One of my drinking buddies had stuck around and he drove me back to Schofield.

I suppose the Captain thought it was just a funny prank and no charges were filed and there was no punishment rendered.  I lucked out again and this time I learned my lesson.

Liberty House Promotional Caricature

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